Welcome to the Space that always is…

Slip Sliding Away…

The health situation is quite tenuous all of a sudden. If I am unable to continue working with my elder care/end of life client, things take a radical turn: no income source for rent, food, etc…

I am staring this possibility in the face. If a simple act, a few short bursts of elevated heart rate, can detrimentally affect the physical vitality to such a degree, it is indeed time to find a 3 month retreat place for the winter. In the last two days, been feeling like a frail old man of 85, instead of 55, having lost 8 pounds in 5 weeks.

I am trusting that through end of life caregiving good karma, help will arrive and a place to rest and retreat will come together for my partner and I- in the next 4 weeks. (So notice can be given). Neither of us needs much nor do we have much. We’ve lived a simple life focused on deep spiritual Truth and heart-centered kindness.

If you know anyone who might be able to help us get into a space, we would be extremely grateful. We have some $ but not too much. We are willing to travel to the right space. It is time for the Sound of Silence, to stay on the Simon and Garfunkel blog title Schtick.

Most of humanity wants to extend life at all costs, no matter the situation. We have both done our best, tried many therapies and treatments and do not wish to do radical interventions -even if we had the money for them.  We are both tired and just want to rest, meditate and take care of ourselves, to simply be, without added responsibility of caregiving others.

Neither of us has a first choice of using an accelerated path to deathing, nor are we drawn to live out life having relatives care for us, as well as: be in destitution, illness and pain with no house or food.

Both my partner and I have been caregivers our whole lives. At first caring for our families of origin, then I went into helping those injured, elderly or dying; she has mostly been a caregiver for toddlers and children.

Now is a time we need a place to rest and care for ourselves. Neither of us has the energy to care for others much longer unless a miraculous shift in health occurs.

And so I ask again: Universe please help us. Divine One, we pray. Beloved Angels support us. God hears all and does all, and with an inner wink can provide this most basic need.

Thank you, with much gratitude, M & A

Conscious Transition…

My partner and I are looking for a place to hold a 3 month meditation retreat January 2018 through March 2018. We are both dealing with what appear to be end-stage chronic illnesses and want a place to relax, take care of ourselves and devote all our spare time to spiritual practices. (If health is restored, I see offering retreats of this type to others in similar circumstances, as I have outlined on my other blog: consciousretreat.wordpress.com.)

The place we envision needs to be quiet, near a nature area (preferably water), and have access to a natural (organic foods) store. We are open to all legitimate situations. Both of us have made spirituality the number one priority in the last 14 years and trust that our dedication will be rewarded as our time of transition approaches.

If you can help us realize this goal, please let me know via this blog or email at: michaelsharrington@yahoo.com or 831-226-4798.

With many thanks, Michael

 

 

The Grandson Energy Test…

Yesterday, I watched my grandsons, Peyton age 9 and Paxton 17 months. While Paxton napped Peyton and I played a one-on-one soccer match on a 20 yard by 20 yard, grassy field. We were having a blast! It was but 20 minutes, if that. I found myself having a blast and at the same time winded, bent over gasping for breath every couple of minutes, as my heart rate often spiked over the anaerobic threshold (oxygen deficit) -without much effort. Then we attempted a game of Chinese checkers. That is: we set up the board, then Peyton exclaimed with regret:

“Paxton is up.” Peyton’s voice hinted at dejection but was mixed with mature understanding. He immediately put the game pieces away without a word. I did tell him that I would take him to the skatepark so he could scooter for a couple of hours once his mom got back from the funeral.

Peyton knew that, for now, all my energy would go to Paxton infant patrol.

And for 90 minutes, until his mom returned from her Grandma’s funeral, I spent all my energy attempting to keep up with the little tike and make sure he did not eat glue, step on glass, fall off a step or otherwise combust, have some juice, eat grapes or give me a heart attack.

At the end, after skatepark, I was torched, stepping towards my car like a bush plane run out of fuel and gliding down for an emergency beach landing.

When I got home: inventory time.

For 3 weeks, I took sideways steps, in detox land related to the new healing program and pathogens I am dealing with –all on road to more health and vitality.

In the last week, one step forward…as I noted in a recent blog.

In just 2 hours, yesterday, a full step back to square one.

Fortunately, I am never going anywhere- as my spiritual luminary reminds me:

“Why do you think that you are active? Take the example of your arrival here. You left home in a small vehicle, took the train, then road a railway car from the station, got into another vehicle and found yourself in this Ashram. When asked, you say that you traveled here all the way from your town. Is it true? Is it not a fact that you remained as you were and there were movements of vehicles all along the way? Just as those movements are confounded with your own, so also are the other activities. They are not your own. They are God’s activities.”

The present moment, surrendering to what is- and enjoying the simplicity of being human, of breathing, smiling, lying down, however it goes.

 

My friend Lana has what one might call, a high-affinity for alcohol. Her go to beverage is wine. And like most of humanity, when emotionally charged events transpire, core stories of abandonment and rejection start to emerge, we rush to our recreational drug, pharmaceutical pill, sexual diversion, and dozens of other trademark addictions.

In Lana’s case: vino has always been the Houdini routine.

These often subtle thought-feeling states merge into a cluster of belief and spin themselves into a narrative which we must escape from at all costs. This is happening at an unconscious level until we begin meditation.

Many people either think meditation is some kind of spiritual fix it ticket or new age Eastern quackery.  The truth is authentic meditation makes the unconscious, conscious. We allow all of the mind baggage (thoughts) to flow into our awareness.

We become aware.

We must feel and see everything that was held done, suppressed, repressed and disowned, all the ways we have disconnected from ourselves. This is not easy work, nor is it fun–at least in the early years of practice-though simultaneously right from the beginning, we get glimpses of deep peace, experience periods of stress reduction and more internal calm. Later, in most cases, after intense earnestness, incredible unrelenting sincerity and surrender, meditation lays bare the ultimate fruits: lasting peace, deep compassion, contentment, kindness and real love.

Meditation and the journey, often turns into a process that is long and drawn out because most of us have such a strong addiction to the mind (which is only a bundle of thoughts, conditioned patterns of thinking).

These substances and addictions are actually buffers that delay the onset of authentic living.  They are false, momentary reprieves that take the edge off of intense waves of feeling, thought and sensation.

In Lana’s case, her latest rendezvous with the bottle landed her in jail. It could soon be State Prison. You see, on this relapse and subsequent accident/arrest (her 3rd DUI), she struck a motorcyclist, seriously injuring the young man. Lana’s lawyer knows the case is indefensible, yet aims for a 1 year sentence at a rehab facility. The prosecution (DA) and the young man’s family are going for a maximum sentence, 6 years at at State Prison in Chowchilla! Lana is horrified at this possibility but realizes there is nothing she can do.

Currently, and for the previous 5 months, Lana is residing at a place known, not so affectionately, as the FARM. It sounds like a nice rural place where they grow organic vegetables, have free range chickens, horse pastures and the like.

NOT!

This place is no homestead.  The only animals are seagulls and scavenger birds, like ravens that dart and fly in and out of the mile square rubbish mound. It is truly a destitute shithole that butts up against the longtime, local landfill, garbage patch; the place is a real dump and smells like the century-long defecation remains of myriad critters and humans.

Inside was worst.

During my one and only visit, the walls seemed to move with a kind of corrosion meets robotics, miss-mashed with mildew, mold. Chevron no doubt has a new synthetic oil well in the making. An ongoing chemistry and physics experiment gone haywire. The officer led a group of 3 of us, to a small room that was claustrophobic. Three phones (if you can call them that) were separated by delaminating partitions. These archaic listening devices were bolted to a cement wall next to a grotesque window and flimsy chair. The phone appeared to be melting, a circa 1962 original, that I swear to God was never washed, and encoded with germs of untold thousands. And because my hearing aids do not work with a phone, I had to press my ear against this vile beast. I kept wondering if some kind of small scorpion-like mutation was going to crawl through the encrusted, voice holes into my ear.

YUCK.

Yet, this is a Medium facility, a so-called Rehab staging area for those awaiting final verdicts and a far cry from State Prison of violence, insanity, and corruption. (I know this is available outside of prison too but the primary cause is the same: THE MIND= THOUGHTS.

As this saga unfolds and visitation out of the question, I continue to write Lana letters. What keeps coming out through my pen is a variant around the theme:

What incredible grace!

This is an opportunity for a meditation retreat of epic proportion, to wake up out of the trance of egoic-identity- I keep urging. I include spontaneous free-writing insights about how this might come about.

The truth is, meditation in prisons has been the wave of the last few decades, with programs, like: Prison Project, all kinds of buddhists meditation and insight practices, spiritual teachers who have visited and documented cases of people making radical shifts in awareness. Meditation in prisons is not new; incredible insight is not impossible to find in prison.

We can find peace this instant. For our true nature is always residing as perfect peace, we only need remove the obstructions to this knowledge. The thoughts are the obstructions. So we give them space to move out of the system and simultaneously become disinterested in them, for then peace takes their place.

Once you taste REAL PEACE, you will become less and less interested in thought which is a boogie-man counterfeit, and restless movement at the center of all our so-called problems.

So, I keep writing to Lana, because she is a true heart friend for 35 years. I love her dearly and spirit keeps moving me to share the truth.

I know she can awaken and supplant her need for booze with an immense guiding light.

 

About 6 weeks ago I was on the verge of undergoing: Bee Venom Therapy. Yes, this is a legitimate therapy and has been used with some well documented effect in the last decades. Letting bees sting your back and other body parts a couple dozen times on a regular basis in the name of healing… Really, I was ready to go. Find me the fucking bees. I would try this before chemo. Of course, I would try anything before chemo…

I was truly considering it, especially after my 3-pass ozone was an abysmal failure. I could no longer afford the regular 10-passes and something had to give. I truly was at a place inside, where, exasperation said quite clearly:

‘This is my last treatment. I will no longer actively try anything else. But Bee Venom!?

Then fate interceded, thank goodness. Thank thy Maker. God, Absolute Consciousness, Pure Awareness, the Divine One, toss in whatever name you like for the Omnipresent -Omnipotent Magician.

My beloved Bestie, dear heart found the book: Medical Medium and urged me to read it.

She said:

“With your background, you will understand this and see why it can work, why it does work!” She was excited for me.

Well, I am midway through week 4 of the most intense, focused pure dietary, supplement and herbal program of my life and just completed another 1 mile walk, this time briskly!

Fuck Yes! (I know a lot of Fuck lately but cut me some slack) It was only 1-mile but all the telltale signs of recovery in progress were apparent inside and out. Why celebrate?

Because the first 3 weeks, shit was literally pouring out of me in every way imaginable. I cannot state this with too much exaggeration. Liver, skin, brain, intestines and every organ was like:

“What the FN heck is this guy up to…”.  I was having on-the-job training:

STILLNESS IN A SHITSTORM~

Then a major meltdown for two days, a few days back…

The last 2 days, I will proclaim, amazing grace and tangible results. Now, normally I hesitate to make such a statement because for 9 years it has come back to bite me in the backside, lay me flat.

I will chance it.

I reached for my life saver during those 2 days: Activated Charcoal.

This supplement should be in every home. It has been a lifesaver for me during times of acute intestinal distress over the last 15 years, since I discovered its value and put it into practical use. Many times in my life, perhaps from compromised immunity due to India parasites and subsequent lowered HCL (hydrochloric acid levels in the stomach), I have fallen prey to various malfunctions, like food poisoning, acute vomiting and fever, etc.

Activated charcoal can save your life. Hospitals use it for any kind of poisoning. It is called charcodote. More on this in a minute.

During those 2 days, I went into acute digestive circumstances. I will spare you the details, for I have been told that most do not want to hear the explicit details, the goriness.  This feedback came from a relative who made the mistake of reading the completely unedited version of my pilgrimage to India in which an acute parasite infestation near about ended my earthly human life.

I find the gory details to be quite amusing but this is probably related to some kind of deeply ingrained male humor patterning, so I have been told.

Okay fuck it! I had intense nausea, unremediated flatulence, belching and the like. Here is enough details to give you a general sense.

Me stomach not be happy man! The liver was in turmoil, the gall bladder pissed off and the spleen on the queasy side after 21 days of celery juice plus a quart of green smoothie that would surely paste a smile on Deepak Chopra’s face. Not to mention loads of kichari (mung beans, vegetables, rice and mild spices)- night after night.

Add in a barrage of focused supplements/nutrients and anti-toxic substances introduced to the system and the body decided to have a meltdown.

I took 2 charcoal tabs and prayed for mercy.

“Take me in my sleep oh Great One!”

Such was not my luck, 2:39 am, crawled to the nearby pill bottle, wham! 2 more charcoal tabs down the throat….then 7:30 am came…I woke up.

“Is this heaven, nope, me not dead…” –as a body-identity came flaring up as mind, as thoughts.

“Ugh, oh shit.” And like a yogi buried under the earth meditating and found by construction workers, I immediately asked to be covered up again.

But I made it.

Charcoal was used for medicinal purposes, dating back to Egypt about 1500 BC. It was used for infectious wounds and to avoid infections.

The best activate charcoal comes through burning coconut shell (a carbon source) at high temperature.  This burns away oxygen and activates the substance, turning it into very fine pores that capture, find and remove  toxic materials.

Toxins from processed food, our high level of environmental pollution lower immunity and damage our cellular processes.  Activated charcoal speeds this debris out of your system before it can create more ruinous issues.  Activated charcoal can eliminate toxic heavy metals- Mercury, Lead, Narcotics, Cocaine, Opium, Nicotine, Arsenic, Chlorine, Gasoline, Morphine, Valium, Pesticides, Radioactive Substances, and others.

Charcoal helps absorb, remove and neutralize intestinal gases and food fermentation. This is primarily why I have used it, for: gas, flatulence, bloating, nausea, food poisoning, diarrhea but it can also treat- kidney and liver failure, body odor or bad breath. ulcers, hemorrhoids, infected wounds, abscessed tooth, and on it goes.

Well, enough for now…onward into full recovery. Cuz, ain’t a decade of ill health enough?!

 

 

 

 

Every day is a unique adventure with my end of life/eldercare client Lloyd, age 88. Since Lloyd is not actively dying, he is not yet in the realm of end of life care.   As with many of my past clients, often they get better for some months before falling into a gentle or steep decline into active dying processes.

For now, Lloyd is attempting to extract the last embers of living–as much as he is physically and mentally able.

When we first started together, Lloyd was recovering from a near fatal fall. Left alone for just 30 minutes, he decided it was time to clean the pool, falling and hitting his head – rupturing an artery.

Amazing grace spared his life, in that a paramedic team was just one quarter mile down the road and leaving a residence when Lloyd pressed his 911 dispatcher necklace. Airlifted to Stanford, he survived.  After this episode, his wife, Sue–12 years Lloyd’s junior, decided she could no longer take care of Lloyd alone or ever leave him unattended.  Like many woman in her position, Sue had done her saintly best to continue her regular life activities and care for Lloyd.

Wheelchair bound and near to the point of bedridden during my first month of my work, Lloyd made a dramatic recovery. His speech at first almost incomprehensible and slurred -improved dramatically one week after some unnecessary pharmaceuticals were discontinued (cholesterol drug). Makes you wonder! Of course, it could also be part of a progressive recovery from his fall -though his doctor did not think so (or perhaps-simply God’s grace). After about a month of wheelchair life, Lloyd also discarded his wheelchair for a walker and sometimes tries walking without it! One must watch him like a hawk, as they say.

Lloyd is a physicist who was instrumental in the first accurate distance reading from the earth to the moon and back, using a laser that was implanted inside the Lick Observatory Telescope mounted on top of Mount Hamilton (overlooking the Santa Clara Valley of California). Lloyd worked with a team on the ground, including NASA, astronauts on the moon and was an integral part of the computer interface. This was in 1969.

Lloyd really had 2 full times jobs for several decades: one as a physicist working at Lick, the other a Groundskeeper and jack of all trades maintenance man working on the land he purchased in 1976. He planted small redwood trees that now provide a glorious shady region on the property during hot days, myriad fruit trees: grapefruit, lemon, lime, not to mention 5 species of apple trees with names like granny smith, golden delicious…other fruit trees are there too, such as persimmon–which this year will produce an incredible bounty. The apples are coming off now and are incredible, eaten without washing as they contain natural soil organisms that further amplify their nutritional and immune enhancing magic. Did I tell you the pear trees are dropping  too!? Lloyd also has ozone and solar systems and intricate sprinkler systems, an active compost pile which allowed him to rejuvenate the once lackluster soil and plenty of other tinkering options at his disposal.

Lloyd, a Virgo astrologically, the sign of perfection, has a strong penchant for detail. He thrives on projects. In fact from what I have seen, Lloyd enjoys the actual experience of getting something working perfectly, rather than enjoying the finished product. Lloyd is one of those guys who can focus minutely on a task, displaying an elegance mixed with utter clumsiness, which is accentuated by his dyskinesia, one of the hallmark signs of Parkinson’s disease for which he has been diagnosed. Other symptoms of the disease are on full display with Lloyd, such as: tremors, restless legs, hallucinatory moments (seeing ghostly apparitions sitting with us), dizziness, poor balance, and confusion.

This last week, we spent nearly 5 hours on 2 separate days working on Lloyd’s violin. A near heirloom instrument and one of those I am not particularly fond of.
 I was his hands.
 Unbelievably, we fixed that violin.
I repeat, we fixed a violin!

 

Many of you will dispute this , having known me for any length of time. I once built a picnic table…. It lasted 3 years before spontaneous collapse. The nails started backing out all over like demonic daggers. Then came the sagging after 2 years…non useable, then all that was left: a shrine, a scrap wood relic, nowhere near ancient.

A sign was left on her:

“Don’t sit or use this table. In fact, do not get closer than 10 feet as the vibration from your feet may dislodge a nail and shoot it forth like a aboriginal poison dart! Simply peer and gasp.”

If this violin makes 24 hours, I will be astounded. And this is not simply from my workmanship. For if Lloyd decides to tinker with the pegs or any other parts, twang, bang and she’s done! He destroyed his restrung violin one day by attempting to tune it.

And to participate with Lloyd on a tuning foray, one must endure listening for hours to:

A, D, G and E tones on the computer, over and over and FN over. Follow this tuning warm up with a digital gadget that tells you exactly when perfect tune strikes. But Lloyd does not understand how this digital device works, nor does he trust it.

So the trusted mainstay device is a hand tuning fork.

This I, as token banger, rap against the desk about every 15 seconds for 20-30 minutes at a time. Pure primitive madness! Lloyd and I both wear hearing aids and keys, tuning, frequencies and all sounds are already challenging. We, essentially have no shot at this. But I faked it!

“Yes, that’s it Lloyd!” We have it.” He agrees half the time and disagrees half the time. Leading to more testing. It is a verifiable ‘Who’s on first’ Abbott & Costello routine. And just as ridiculous. It keeps the man amused and entertained. He is a doer. I am a be-er, but boy could I use a beer.

Anyway…

The man, Mr. Lloyd, is relentless. He goes until he drops into his chair for a power nap. Some days, I pray for his nap. Often it does not come.

Lloyd’s lack of dexterity does not hold him back. He leans into life with a pizazz that is truly inspiring. His intellectual brilliance may be dampened but is more than made up for in his unique ability to focus on the positive and accomplish tasks that one would think impossible for a man in his situation, like our violin reparations project:

“That’s it.” Lloyd finally says. Only to have his confusion tell him. “We better check the E again.”

“You just did.” I assert.

“No that was A. He says.

“It was…?!”

Who’s on first?

Most days with Lloyd are filled with some kind of action and adventure, such as roaming about his 3 acre parcel just above the University of Santa Cruz and test eating fruit.

Other times, a chess game will be undertaken. To call it chess, well, hmmm. Lloyd has created a new game. He is a hallucinating, fucking genius. I have a scoresheet that I plan to send to a U.S. Grandmaster and announcing a theoretical novelty in the Russian-counter gambit defense of the Lloyd’s King’s Indian. I know the Grandmaster has never seen this move order, nor has he ever played a physicist with Parkinson’s.

No way could Mr. Grandmaster have seen this variation. No one switches sides mid game and is able to promote new queen with your opponent’s pawn! Other moments, Lloyd plays fine chess, for a few moves. I have devised a way to keep the game going, create a balanced position and have some fun. He has his way; I have mine.

In truth, we simply enjoy each other’s company, it matters not what we do or how an event unfolds.

Some days Lloyd can barely walk- even with the help of his walker. I am poised, in total absorption and concentration on his every movement. Not sure if he will make the next step or fall over. It is type of fragility that brings out of the best qualities in me. Kindness, full awareness, gentleness and space. I feel as if I am attending to a great spiritual Master and it is an honor to simply walk near Lloyd. I walk slightly behind him and to the side, looking for places he may need assistance both internal and external. A door jam ahead and his walker angling sideways towards it; dizziness within, I instinctively reach out to make contact with his low back, hip or arm. Compassion and love dance together, thoughts vanish and the moment is full and ripe, exquisite beauty.

This work is mostly sedentary, which is right up my alley these days. And ultimately, this is all part of a great inner quest, patience training, full surrender to the Divine.

Nothing needs to get done, the enjoyment of the task itself and being present…some days I outlast him, others he me. It doesn’t matter.

Just another day on the eldercare circuit. I am lucky that way.

 

Adrenal fatigue…

I am trusting that the focused diet-supplement-herbal plan is restoring even though I am still not moving about too well. I also trust my adrenals will reboot , specific toxins will be eliminated and full energy will return.  Thy Will Be Done.

I am slowly increasing the healing protocol from the initial metal cleanse items I listed in an earlier blog and am now incorporating- ACS Silver, L-lysine, whole food B-12, adrenal formula from Gaia, ayurvedic constitutional formula from a famous herbalist in Nepal, as well as: vitamin-mineral tab, probiotics and Valerian root and magnesium to sleep.

Throw in some CBD cannabis oil and voila, heart still pounding and we mush on! Soon to come, the final add ons: alpha lypoic acid, zeolyte, and cat’s claw herb….

 

LOVE TO ALL!

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