Welcome to the Space that always is…

Archive for October, 2017

The Grandson Energy Test…

Yesterday, I watched my grandsons, Peyton age 9 and Paxton 17 months. While Paxton napped Peyton and I played a one-on-one soccer match on a 20 yard by 20 yard, grassy field. We were having a blast! It was but 20 minutes, if that. I found myself having a blast and at the same time winded, bent over gasping for breath every couple of minutes, as my heart rate often spiked over the anaerobic threshold (oxygen deficit) -without much effort. Then we attempted a game of Chinese checkers. That is: we set up the board, then Peyton exclaimed with regret:

“Paxton is up.” Peyton’s voice hinted at dejection but was mixed with mature understanding. He immediately put the game pieces away without a word. I did tell him that I would take him to the skatepark so he could scooter for a couple of hours once his mom got back from the funeral.

Peyton knew that, for now, all my energy would go to Paxton infant patrol.

And for 90 minutes, until his mom returned from her Grandma’s funeral, I spent all my energy attempting to keep up with the little tike and make sure he did not eat glue, step on glass, fall off a step or otherwise combust, have some juice, eat grapes or give me a heart attack.

At the end, after skatepark, I was torched, stepping towards my car like a bush plane run out of fuel and gliding down for an emergency beach landing.

When I got home: inventory time.

For 3 weeks, I took sideways steps, in detox land related to the new healing program and pathogens I am dealing with –all on road to more health and vitality.

In the last week, one step forward…as I noted in a recent blog.

In just 2 hours, yesterday, a full step back to square one.

Fortunately, I am never going anywhere- as my spiritual luminary reminds me:

“Why do you think that you are active? Take the example of your arrival here. You left home in a small vehicle, took the train, then road a railway car from the station, got into another vehicle and found yourself in this Ashram. When asked, you say that you traveled here all the way from your town. Is it true? Is it not a fact that you remained as you were and there were movements of vehicles all along the way? Just as those movements are confounded with your own, so also are the other activities. They are not your own. They are God’s activities.”

The present moment, surrendering to what is- and enjoying the simplicity of being human, of breathing, smiling, lying down, however it goes.


Incarceration or Meditation Retreat…

My friend Lana has what one might call, a high-affinity for alcohol. Her go to beverage is wine. And like most of humanity, when emotionally charged events transpire, core stories of abandonment and rejection start to emerge, we rush to our recreational drug, pharmaceutical pill, sexual diversion, and dozens of other trademark addictions.

In Lana’s case: vino has always been the Houdini routine.

These often subtle thought-feeling states merge into a cluster of belief and spin themselves into a narrative which we must escape from at all costs. This is happening at an unconscious level until we begin meditation.

Many people either think meditation is some kind of spiritual fix it ticket or new age Eastern quackery.  The truth is authentic meditation makes the unconscious, conscious. We allow all of the mind baggage (thoughts) to flow into our awareness.

We become aware.

We must feel and see everything that was held done, suppressed, repressed and disowned, all the ways we have disconnected from ourselves. This is not easy work, nor is it fun–at least in the early years of practice-though simultaneously right from the beginning, we get glimpses of deep peace, experience periods of stress reduction and more internal calm. Later, in most cases, after intense earnestness, incredible unrelenting sincerity and surrender, meditation lays bare the ultimate fruits: lasting peace, deep compassion, contentment, kindness and real love.

Meditation and the journey, often turns into a process that is long and drawn out because most of us have such a strong addiction to the mind (which is only a bundle of thoughts, conditioned patterns of thinking).

These substances and addictions are actually buffers that delay the onset of authentic living.  They are false, momentary reprieves that take the edge off of intense waves of feeling, thought and sensation.

In Lana’s case, her latest rendezvous with the bottle landed her in jail. It could soon be State Prison. You see, on this relapse and subsequent accident/arrest (her 3rd DUI), she struck a motorcyclist, seriously injuring the young man. Lana’s lawyer knows the case is indefensible, yet aims for a 1 year sentence at a rehab facility. The prosecution (DA) and the young man’s family are going for a maximum sentence, 6 years at at State Prison in Chowchilla! Lana is horrified at this possibility but realizes there is nothing she can do.

Currently, and for the previous 5 months, Lana is residing at a place known, not so affectionately, as the FARM. It sounds like a nice rural place where they grow organic vegetables, have free range chickens, horse pastures and the like.


This place is no homestead.  The only animals are seagulls and scavenger birds, like ravens that dart and fly in and out of the mile square rubbish mound. It is truly a destitute shithole that butts up against the longtime, local landfill, garbage patch; the place is a real dump and smells like the century-long defecation remains of myriad critters and humans.

Inside was worst.

During my one and only visit, the walls seemed to move with a kind of corrosion meets robotics, miss-mashed with mildew, mold. Chevron no doubt has a new synthetic oil well in the making. An ongoing chemistry and physics experiment gone haywire. The officer led a group of 3 of us, to a small room that was claustrophobic. Three phones (if you can call them that) were separated by delaminating partitions. These archaic listening devices were bolted to a cement wall next to a grotesque window and flimsy chair. The phone appeared to be melting, a circa 1962 original, that I swear to God was never washed, and encoded with germs of untold thousands. And because my hearing aids do not work with a phone, I had to press my ear against this vile beast. I kept wondering if some kind of small scorpion-like mutation was going to crawl through the encrusted, voice holes into my ear.


Yet, this is a Medium facility, a so-called Rehab staging area for those awaiting final verdicts and a far cry from State Prison of violence, insanity, and corruption. (I know this is available outside of prison too but the primary cause is the same: THE MIND= THOUGHTS.

As this saga unfolds and visitation out of the question, I continue to write Lana letters. What keeps coming out through my pen is a variant around the theme:

What incredible grace!

This is an opportunity for a meditation retreat of epic proportion, to wake up out of the trance of egoic-identity- I keep urging. I include spontaneous free-writing insights about how this might come about.

The truth is, meditation in prisons has been the wave of the last few decades, with programs, like: Prison Project, all kinds of buddhists meditation and insight practices, spiritual teachers who have visited and documented cases of people making radical shifts in awareness. Meditation in prisons is not new; incredible insight is not impossible to find in prison.

We can find peace this instant. For our true nature is always residing as perfect peace, we only need remove the obstructions to this knowledge. The thoughts are the obstructions. So we give them space to move out of the system and simultaneously become disinterested in them, for then peace takes their place.

Once you taste REAL PEACE, you will become less and less interested in thought which is a boogie-man counterfeit, and restless movement at the center of all our so-called problems.

So, I keep writing to Lana, because she is a true heart friend for 35 years. I love her dearly and spirit keeps moving me to share the truth.

I know she can awaken and supplant her need for booze with an immense guiding light.


Adrenal fatigue…

I am trusting that the focused diet-supplement-herbal plan is restoring even though I am still not moving about too well. I also trust my adrenals will reboot , specific toxins will be eliminated and full energy will return.  Thy Will Be Done.

I am slowly increasing the healing protocol from the initial metal cleanse items I listed in an earlier blog and am now incorporating- ACS Silver, L-lysine, whole food B-12, adrenal formula from Gaia, ayurvedic constitutional formula from a famous herbalist in Nepal, as well as: vitamin-mineral tab, probiotics and Valerian root and magnesium to sleep.

Throw in some CBD cannabis oil and voila, heart still pounding and we mush on! Soon to come, the final add ons: alpha lypoic acid, zeolyte, and cat’s claw herb….



Another fire….

I was fine tuning my supplements, foods and herbs and gulping down the last sips of green tea Monday morning. I do mean final slurps, as I have whittled down my caffeine from 5 strong cups of green tea a day to an 8 ounce, weak cup. The last two days, no caffeine. Been there before- the no caffeine zone that is- in the last decade but it has not lasted. Usually some kind of super low energy day where I must absolutely work to make a living or some justification comes up to warrant consumption, which slowly begins to increase….then my mother called from Santa Rosa. It was 8 am. She never calls that early.

“There’s fires everywhere…”

Several hours later I found out my sister’s family, the Sharps, lost their house. Her husband Paul and son, Paulie and their dog Beze survived. There was no evacuation, no real warning…just smoke, horns honking, turned TV (power was out for an hour before the fire jumped hwy 101)…then it was time to bolt. Grab what they could, which basically was the clothes on their back.

Cheri, my sister, lived in the Coffey Park area. The fire flying west from Calistoga, took 3 hours to cover 13 miles. That is about 100 yards a minute, throwing embers, trees and burning debris out front of it. And when it jumped highway 101 at 2 am, fueled by winds gusts over 50 mphs, ultra low humidity and dry tinder everywhere, flame heights hit 100 feet.

No one could see this though, it’s was in the middle of the night.

When Cheri and Paul and their son went to their neighborhood some 8 hours later, they along with dozens of families were in pure shock. Entire city block of homes leveled. She told me that no one had time to turn their gas off, so when they viewed their lots, ash piles with a torch-like shooting flame from ignited gas line, were like marker lights to where houses use to be.

Like many others, she lost everything but they are not in a shelter. My mother, brother and several other family and friends live in the area, so they have a loving place to land.

This is, from what I understand, the most catastrophic fire in California history and it is still not completely out.

Luckily for my sister’s family, they lost a house not a HOME. HOME is a place that can never be taken away from us and IT includes everyone. For ALL is OUR FAMILY.

These kinds of events help us to realize what is most vital and important in life and allow us to be humbled to the core, to receive love and assistance, to help one another.

LOVE to the Sharp family and all those who lost a family member home, business and are having their lives rearranged.

The 1-Mile Walk…

Yesterday, I sat in my car by the beach, like a lamp chord trying to find the socket. God is the socket, the Supreme Intelligence. I attuned to this always available presence, not worrying about lack of energy or even the idea that ‘I am the body’.  Immersion into and as the Current of Reality, that All-Pervading Goodness – ushers even more to the foreground.

Individuality, personality, only a flicker; true meditation.

For who needed to walk? I sat there for some 20 minutes. If I was absorbed in the mind, in thoughts, we would call it: a stupor. If thoughts are of no interest, they fall away, then the Bliss of Being naturally comes forward because IT is always there.

Suddenly, the body stepped out of the car, striding, breathing -moving down the street, across West Cliff Drive and onto the the path along the beautiful shoreline. The Sea breeze, the pelicans-the primordial ones soar in close formation. They are the real Blue Angels, albeit brown.

A bench appears. I stop, recover. A few yoga poses: simple stretches and deep breaths. I walk on. A cliff-side rail calls my name. I take it like a man thrown a life jacket and peer over to feel the waves. High tide is booming and crashing sounds continue in rhythmic majesty. Negative ion bath. The explosive waves hit the rocks like nitroglycerin tabs for my heart and soul.

I mush on, a blissful smile in tow; I see the famous ‘old lady’, 90ish, been walking this path for decades, head down, determined energy, purposeful stride and trademark motion. Inspiration. Awe.

I’ve made it- Fair Street to Natural Bridges, one half mile, though it feels like the finish of a 10K run at top end speed. More stretching, resting and rail support. Deep gratitude. To be able to walk at all, to be in such a lovely place as this, along nature’s corridor of grandeur.

Another half mile back to the car. I head for a bench.


As my favorite spiritual luminary once said: “The realized being sees the world as the Kingdom of Heaven.” They are not separate regions. This truth is becoming, more and more, direct experience.

The Ocean is alive, rumbling. The surfers are happy and dancing on waves all over. Three to five foot swells and better surf yet to come as low tide and a south swell align. The big surf of winter will be arriving soon.

More gratitude.

Rejuvenated, yet the body rises slowly, a quarter mile to go back to the car.

I’m in no rush. Couldn’t if I tried. Nothing to do; nowhere to go. Just here. Now.

Tis the simple life for me. Pure organic foods, supplements and herbs. Such luck. To have a vast array of quality food. Only a tiny fraction of the planet has what is before me. I have so much of the most basic human needs, not to mention amazing family and friends. My biggest issue of all time cannot compare to what 99% of the world must endure. They call our American problems, first world problems-though we are very close to a 2nd world country now.

Three part time jobs that somehow pay the bills. One – 17 hours a week with my end of life client Lloyd, whose generous wife Sue paid me the last two weeks the full amount for working only one day each week (while relatives were in town); the other jobs: a 3 hour drive and companionship with an old friend, Lon; and a 1 hour dog healing session with Mac, the Red Poodle.

Mac is in radiant health. Our 3 times a week sessions, went to 2 times a week and now are only once a week. Each week he greets me the same way, as I step through the front door. Paws to my shoulders and hearty licks to the face; showing me how important I AM, that nothing is more important than LOVE and RESPECT.

If only humans could reach but 10% of this realization that comes spontaneously from our 4-legged friends.


The Shakefest…

Well, not unexpectedly, my old friend: Mr. Internal Shaking returned. It seems he was not particularly impressed with my new detox measures and decided to rumble until 3 am. That’s cool. Punch, huge energy burst–Feel good, real good for an instant; then down you go!

I have described this before: envision a jack hammer running inside the central nervous system all night.

I simply watched  the workers (there had to be thousands) for 5 hours, then had 4 hours sleep. Amazingly, I had enough energy to be with my end of life client for 7 hours afterwards.

Confession: I did a pretty significant horizontal upon arriving home after work.

A funny thing happened a day earlier when I was getting the final ingredients for the witch’s brew (heavy metal detox). The plan calls for 16 oz of straight celery juice upon rising, 2 hours later– a fruit smoothie with banana, hemp milk, 1 cup of wild blueberries, 2 Tablespoons of Atlantic Dulce, half Tablespoon spirulina, half Tablespoon Barley Grass Juice powder and 1 cup Cilantro.

My plan also calls for focus foods to be: papaya, red apples, artichokes, bananas, sweet potato, asparagus (10 bucks a pound, ugh), lettuce of all kinds, green beans and avocado. Herbs include: thyme, lemon balm, lomatium, Reishi mushrooms, plantain and red clover. Going slow here as herbs can be more potent than foods on the short term. I tried lobelia and it did not agree with me.

Next Lemon balm. One at a time. Wow, never thought I would see that written about herbs. I have gone to double triple dose many times with suggested dosage.  Fresh sage and parsley are list at about a quarter cup a day…I will slowly work this in.

Supplements are Alpha Lipoic Acid, L-Lysine (amino acid), magnesium, MSM, B-12, EPA-DHA (planted based for sure), astaxothin (the only one I had never heard of), nascent iodine and ACS Silver. So far, B-12, magnesium and ACS silver in use…slowly the others, one at a time.

Quite a start to the day. I throw in some yin yoga (static, holding yoga poses with deep breathing, as the body is not to happy to move about in some kind of aerobic way, ha!).

Anyway, I was getting the final touches for my broom closet, err fridge/kitchen and returned to my car to rest. Really rest, after shopping for 10 minutes?! YEP?

I  sat in my car and let the Sun hit me and read about heavy metal contaminants from a local industrial project running into the San Lorenzo river. What happened next?

Well, suddenly a booming, static, insane sound. It was Iron Maiden playing at full throttle. Pure heavy metal noise and the young man was dressed METAL to the T. Ozzy Osborne 50 years ago, reincarnated. I met eyes with him, looked at my magazine, then down at my supplements and laughed my ass off–of course while I was starting the engine and getting my ears clear of the the flying static detritus.

The Almighty is a cool dude with a keen sense of humor. If he propels me past the earth zone soon, I am sure I will be the cleanest corpse they ever done see.


Recently I had a ‘revolutionary’ steam sauna treatment using the HOCATT – a device that delivers 10 different ‘alternative’ therapies, (scientifically-validated therapeutic modalities) – all during a 30 minute session.

The HOCATT combines: aromatherapy essential oils, carbonic acid therapy (reputed to increase oxygen utilization), electrotherapy (rife frequency technology to destroy viral, bacterial and fungal pathogens), EWOT and Ozone through the skin (for pain reduction and systemic health enhancement), Far Infrared light therapy (restores damaged tissues), hyperthermia (to increase immune response), and photon light therapy to calm and sedate the nervous system.

The treatment was very relaxing, I almost fell asleep. A heart rate monitor and read out display of your pulse played out on the screen to watch during the session. Your entire body, except the head is immersed in the steam sauna chamber, a hoodie is placed over your neck and towel wrapped around to ensure that ozone gases are not breathed in (also fresh oxygen is piped right in front of your face). The only place ozone is not therapeutic is when inhaled into the lungs.  During the hyperthermia intervals (every few minutes of heat increase) I noticed my pulse climb. At one point it went to 85 (resting pulse for me that day was 70).

As it turns out, the next day I felt great – but then Thursday came and a nerve pain explosion in the upper thoracic spine, some pain, deep fatigue and so on. Here I am, still writing though and breathing into the latest episode. Or is it a rerun. I forget.

As it turns out this device , though it may have some great benefits for a lot of people, is too strong or inappropriate for my condition(s). The last active therapy I will try is based on the SPIRIT (Medical Mediumship) of Anthony William. The focus will be on using his food, herbs and supplements suggested for: viral (shingles specific), lyme disease symptoms and mercury detoxification.

The mercury big 5, that must be ingested daily are: Wild blueberries (best from Maine–as they draw heavy metals from the brain, crossing the blood-brain barrier), cilantro (goes deep into hard to reach places and pulls out ancient and older metals), Atlantic Dulse (binds mercury, lead, aluminum, copper, cadmium and nickel that binds metals so strongly as to thoroughly remove them and not just relocate), Spirulina (Hawaiian is best –this draws metals from central nervous system, liver and brain and works in synergy with the barley grass), and barley grass juice powder-which he says draws heavy metals out of the digestive tract, spleen, pancreas and reproductive system.

Many other foods and supplements on list…will take a while to stockpile and use them all. Interestly, the Medical Medium dude also says that EBV (epstein barr virus), heavy metals, radiation and DDT are (in that order) the biggest health issues of our times. EBV, because it has so many mutated strains that are not even scientifically known.

Trusting that whatever is happening is the most beneficial, whether appearance of health vibrancy or debilitation. BE WELL ALL!

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