I have been dealing with progressively debilitating symptoms in the last months. The need to move from sitting to lying down crops up often. I call it: Going Horizontal—it should be a new-age death musical.
“He’s going horizontal, He’s going horizontal, I really think so…” Ha.
I have been watching the dwindle. First it was a reduction from a brisk hiking pace to a slow meander. Then the hiking meander went to ‘walking’. Then standing. Finally sitting. This is a new place now. I utilize an innovative new static sitting yoga.
I call it: Beyond Yin Yoga and charge 1000 a week for training (an additional 100 for the manual).
Ever wonder what Skippy has up his sleeve next?! Skippy is a nickname for God Almighty, given by my 80-something friend. Like God is on a jar of peanut butter too and is chunky and smooth at the same time.
In Eastern spiritual teachings they use the term prarabdha karma—which is the karma storage due to express and be experienced by a particular form in this lifetime. And there’s no way around it. No fudging, pleading, nor prayers Sunday, anger on Monday, tissy on Tuesday or wonderful Wednesday that is gonna change that destiny one iota.
God, we sure do try though, don’t we?
As the sages, saints and masters tell us, it matters not how incredibly awesome our little personal entity-identity has been in this life. The dickhead down the street who drinks heavily, eats a ton of shit food, beats his girlfriend and watches TV all day…well he may still get Granny Gretchen’s trust fund for 3 million and live to be 100 in near-perfect health. (Okay he will be suffering like a mad dog inside even if you can’t see it) —-but you, me and the rest of the so-called do-gooders may well have to rot in a basement cellar with our only food coming once every 3 days, a TV dinner and a few stiff kicks to the side….the only sound we hear may well be that of a lonely dog howling. All of this is the surface appearance. When we attune to our Innermost Being and let God’s manifestation naturally unfold—we realize that Peace is already here no matter what.
If you realize the Truth about destiny, you see that it is fruitless to try to negotiate with God. Prayer is fine but let God’s Will fall as it may. Why pray for a particular outcome and then lose faith when it doesn’t happen?!
Surrender and let go, let God—as the saying goes. Witnessing the miraculous along with the miserable is all that’s left. Then the two, misery and miraculous become indistinct, for now you see that all is GOD.
All the actions of the so-called individual body are just part of the grand show, the dance of creation. Just like the tree that falls in a storm; body’s fall according to their destiny for this life. When they fall, what they experience and go through are all part of that destiny.
In the last weeks an internal bucket list has been forming–a vision of all the ‘that would be nice scenarios, events and happenings’. Yet no attachment to whether or if they happen, no expectation of outcome is there, no begging or prayer either. The bucket items aligned with destiny will come to pass—as Ramana would say ‘that much is certain’. Then add:
“The purpose of one’s birth will fulfill itself whether you will it or not. Let the purpose fulfill itself.”
Ramana’s truth pointer leaves no room for individuality, for all is only the manifestation of God, all forms and the formless are only That.
I am setting up my Will, POLST (physicians order for life sustaining treatment–though I don’t have a physician, ha) and advanced directive forms. I already have my body set up on Stanford’s willed body program, so no additional cost is thrust on my family for funeral or burial.
I’ve had a good life, a lucky life. I was born in the United States, home of the free, land of promise, with a good portion of the populace here in America having some pretty solid prarabdha: you know: shelter, water and ample food.
That cannot be said about those living in many other places on planet Earth. I’ve experienced vibrant health, been able to do extreme adventures, seen amazing nature areas, like: Thailand, India, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon and Yosemite. Yep, lucky life. I have an incredibly heart-centered daughter, who at age 9, on her own, sent 5 dollars of her savings money to me while I was in India:
“Daddy, please give this to a person in need.” That deserves a blog all its own–for to find such a one in India is not hard at all—you have millions to choose from—but which one…?
My father was pure heart, mom is always helping others; and rest of my family has been supportive of the journey in many ways. Great friends. Yep, lucky.
The deepest grace of all has been the direct experience of reality, of Truth-which has blossomed in depth and is beyond expression. For until the path of Truth & Love took over the rest of my life was spent on useless things.
Once this life was focused on Truth & Love, the real life began; the rest a waste of time. A mystical aliveness, a soul-quality or what I call: presence have remained as part of direct experience of the Self- shining eternal.
That is salvation. For salvation is not for ‘me’, not for a person or individual-but the removal of the veil of the person, the erroneous idea of “I, me and mine”-then the Christ Consciousness blooms unmasked from delusion –the promise of all true religions and spiritual pursuits is fulfilled.
That insight never leaves, so when Michael-body drops from the field of play, I will remain as I have always been. Timeless, spaceless, formless pure consciousness, absolute awareness.
As the rest of the so-called world gets busier and more crazy, I just watch. As one saint said:
“I watch my body slough off like an unused garment.” For it is God’s garment anyway, always has been. The skin-cloth just on loan for a while.
Admitting that the body is preparing for the exit door, maybe even gracefully, is an intense journey. As my end of life client nears his final hours, any day, any moment–tis the same for this one, for Michael, for me.
I find myself contemplating the death of the Michael-form -an idea cultivated and conditioned into place since birth.
What is left: Watch the Almighty wind of God, wondering what is in store, like a tiny leaf skimming across the ground, barely touching the earth, yet knowing nothing can harm who and what I truly am.