Welcome to the Space that always is…

The Unknown Moment…

Most of this life, I lived in the mind, masquerading about in the land of ‘I know.’ It was a ghoulish place disguised as a King’s castle. Lost in the conceptual world of ideas, beliefs and approximations, I spent most of my time strategizing and very little time truly living. For how could I really live, with my identify wrapped up so tightly into a body form?! From that perspective, it was not possible to see that what ‘I am’ is actually consciousness–and even beyond consciousness. The entire world is inside of this ‘I-am-ness’ –as an aware formless presence.

I had to step out of the ‘I, me and mine’ façade and begin to live in the moment. It is such a cliché’- “living in the moment” and yet even those not interested in consciousness or spirituality have a certain fascination with what that term is actually pointing to. What the moment is, one cannot say. It is unknown. All is unknown because each instant is a never-to-be-repeated flash. Like a chalkboard wiped clean after the end of a class. The board is ready for a new impression. And as we continue to step back into the witnessing, to be as awareness itself, we find that the chalkboard of life is always clean, fresh and brand new. There really is no one to assert or be inserted. Life is living itself and is inseparable, a divine matrix with no beginning or end.

The life force breathes all the bodies and beings into form. They appear and disappear each instant in the unknown moment. This moment, this precious present moment, is as one sage said: “the Home of the Real.” The unknown moment is utterly empty and completely full. There is no one in it and yet the unknown contains everything.

Once you begin to live in the unknown, appearances and the fear that attaches itself to them fall away. For your idea of ‘you’ is not there. You are no longer a man or a woman but the timeless, spaceless presence.

New information has come out about the death of Robin Williams. The recent article from a CNN reporter was attempting to clarify what happened to Robin. The original media response portrayed him as a ‘depressive’ and ‘former drug addict and alcoholic’ and suicide was the natural conclusion.

Instead it was found, via autopsy, that Robin had a brain disorder which of course was caused by toxic agents but the Western Medical Establishment has labeled it a ‘rare’ disease called: Lewy Body Dementia. Which is, as they said:

“not nearly as well known (or talked about) as Alzheimer’s disease, which accounts for more than half of dementia diagnoses in the United States, Lewy body dementia, or LBD, is the second most common type of progressive dementia.”

“Nearly 1.4 million Americans are known to have the disease, but because it’s a relatively young disorder,” Angela Taylor, director of programming for the Lewy Body Dementia Association said, that number is likely much higher.”

The standard party line: induce fear with a dreaded label with no cure in sight.

Robin’s wife said:

“It was the chemical warfare that no one knew about.” This is an amazing, ironic statement.

I cringed, another label, a so-called ‘rare’ disease and the culprit in plain sight: Chemical Warfare.

What they did not discuss, nor do any of these articles discuss, are the actual underlying physical toxic agents involved in the condition. This is purposeful, because all of these ‘diseases (and the list is growing daily) are labeled and put into a basket: No known cause, no known cure.

Misdirection takes place, the condition is described with more labels: It is similar to Alzheimers, Parkinson-like, it attacks the body a bit like Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, and on it goes. And then the Establishment describes how this particular disease label messes with the brain, how it works on a molecular level. This does not help isolate the root toxins nor resolve the issue about treatment.

“LBD is caused when normal proteins in the brain begin to aggregate, forming clumps called Lewy bodies that, as they spread, “muck up the ability for the brain to transmit signals,” said Cleveland Clinic neurologist Dr. James Leverenz.

No mention is made of toxins found in Robin’s body because they were only looking for the way, the microscopic deterioration morphology in brain function instead of looking for the primary root toxin(s) that started the process to begin with.

If they would have been looking and actually attempting to find out what caused his brain deterioration, the following toxins and chemicals would most likely have been found:

Barium, strontium, aluminum from chemtrails, mercury, lead and other metals from amalgam fillings in his mouth, Cesium, radioactive iodine and other isotopes from Fukushima and perhaps mycoplasma bacteria, fungal infections, or possibly lyme spirochetes or the insidious effects of gluten (primarily from wheat-our main staple crop-which is laced with sodium azide during wheat seed inception and then dried using glyphosate (yes, the primary ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup). The large list of chemical toxins and pharmaceutical drugs were most likely involved. In fact, it is said that Robin Williams was already on a pharmaceutical drug for Parkinson’s disease, a drug with side effects, including: SUICIDAL TENDENCIES.

Only a small percentage of the population realizes the level of planetary toxicity we are all dealing with. Each person gets a particular disease manifestation (from these primary root toxins) and displays unique signs and symptoms based on their genetic history and lifestyle exposure. And the truth is we all have hundreds of toxins in our systems now from chemtrails spraying, Fukushima radiation and others. I talk about these toxins more in my book,  “From Illness to Stillness” and in another recent blog post.

The other aspect of the article: No treatment is possible. Because, how can you treat something if you do not know the cause? The Western Medical System will still give you experimental regimens of pharmaceutical drugs and exploratory surgical procedures even though they don’t know what is going on.

Treatments are available for the specific toxic elements which are the underlying cause of most of these conditions but these root toxins are never identified as the primary disease-causing element by the Western Medical System.

Last night I was invited to dinner at the finest establishment in the senior housing genre, La Posada. Though there are private, retirement homes, places like Dominican Oaks, Oak Tree Villa or Aegis- which have even more benefits and accoutrements- these other places lack the heart, laid-back feel, and Santa Cruz vibe that permeates La Posada.

In the last decade, I have visited my share of ‘retirement homes’ and many are less splendid. One place had a single hispanic lady left to oversee 20 rooms. Screams could be heard at regular intervals, with sayings like:

“Please help me!” and “Oh God!” A friend I visited at one such place said to me with equal parts humor and horror:

“Tell people about this place.”

My friend Jack recently secured a space at La Posada after an 18 month sojourn on the waiting list. He was ecstatic because cooking and doing dishes at 92 was becoming more and more exhausting. La Posada supplied breakfast and dinner. Jack does not eat lunch.

Besides Jack, at our table was Helen 86 years old who post meal went to set up the penny poker table with great enthusiasm and Charlotte, aged 95—the cutest elderly lady with a wry smile which appeared to be permanently etched on her face. Charlotte kept showing me the picture, a taken few days previous at Halloween, of her dressed as Darth Vader. The rapport between the diners was tickled with playful teasing.

The biggest challenge at our table related to hearing. Both Jack and I wear hearing aids and Helen spoke very quietly, which, along with the background voices and noises, well, dinner was mostly in silence. Through simple gestures and short conversations, we said what was needed. We became acquainted through presence.

After the meal was over, Helen dashed off, okay she ambled without the use of walker or cane, taking her neopolitan ice cream sandwich dessert with her. I watched as Charlotte and Jack devoured their treat like school children, messy fingers and all.

Contemplation of Death…

As an end of life caregiver, I have spent time with quite a few people as they near the form transition. An interesting phenomenon has occurred with two clients who were also cherished friends. Threads of body –mind identification internalized the dying process—as if death was happening to me-because it was.

When my friend Noel passed in early 2009, there followed a great collapse. Death came to eliminate many ideas and beliefs related to body-mind identification.

This idea of ‘me as a body’ began to show signs and symptoms of impending form dissolution (death), such as: faltering organ function, disorientation, and confusion. It was as if the stripping away of form identity, taking place with my dying friends, was also happening within myself.

The more I am able to rest as awareness, the witnessing consciousness, (instead of a particular body form), the more effortlessly life unfolds and flows.- no matter the manifestation dynamics, be they: sickness, death, pain, suffering, natural disasters and so on.

These next few months seem to point towards the transition of my friend, Jack. It is always such a blessing to be with someone who has put so much energy into deep spirituality as they prepare for the great unknown we call death. Jack’s preparation entails living more and more in and as the unknown, reading near death experience accounts by the thousands while contemplating and meditating upon primordial words of Self-realized sages.

So in essence, the so-called death has already happened. Jack sees that nothing can touch him, touch what he really is. Through Jack’s direct insight and knowledge lives a great trust and faith in the Eternal Absolute. It is awe-inspiring to witness a growing fearlessness pervade his being. Instead of the fear and associated discontent, that many go through as the body manifestation nears transition, Jack is at peace and quite ready to meet his Maker.

When Jack sets his eyes upon me, a potent presence encompasses my entire being. Mind is unable to spring into fantasy or distraction. Jack constantly reminds me to go deeper and have more conviction in what I really am.

So today, I go to spend a few hours, in the guise of work, sitting in the penetrating peacefulness of a contended heart.


Recently I watched the History Channel Documentary ‘Alcatraz: The Search For the Truth’- a revelatory show about the infamous 1962 escape attempt. It revealed new information about what really happened that day and spurred memories of my first journey to Alcatraz.

When I was a teenager in the mid to late 1970’s, our family went on the first of many tours to Alcatraz island (we went many times, as different relatives from back east arrived—as part of San Francisco’s ‘can’t miss’ excursions).

I vividly remember one particular aspect of that first visit. Our knowledgeable guide solicited volunteers, those willing to be locked up in solitary confinement. My hand instantly went up and I was one of 3 people chosen to ‘endure a tiny glimpse of what it must have been like’.

In most prison movies, at least one scene portrays the ‘bad guy” -or good guy wrongly incarcerated- getting moved into the dreaded hole, aka= solitary confinement.

I spent 1 full minute in that dark, cramped and dank cell. The first thirty seconds I literally held my breath as a hundred different scenarios shot from my head. The next ten seconds I spent wondering if rats or other critters were crawling on me, and the final 20 seconds the pure horror of wondering if the cell door was broken because I had certainly been locked inside at least 5 minutes already! I sprang out of that hole like an Olympic 100 Meter dash runner. It was amazing to witness how much ruckus the mind can stir up in 60 seconds.

Today, if I had a chance to sit in solitary confinement at Alcatraz again, the physical discomforts of a long sojourn there would certainly be less than thrilling but I would revel in the silence. And silence is available wherever we are. It is our closest companion, most intimate friend.

In a world gone obnoxious with ever-increasing mixtures of loud, jagged noise disguised as entertainment, many have lost the ability to tune into the stillness that is a precursor to real sanity.

Yet, silence and stillness are always available. The breath is one doorway leading to a different type of incarceration. This type of convict, enraptured in the vital force, is not the least bit stirred by outer circumstances. They know the truth of being and are happy to rest in that all-pervading peace.


My dear friend Jack, aged 92 is one of those human beings with a piercing presence.Whenever I arrive, no matter how tired he is, with gusto Jack pushes himself to standing from his chair or bed. Always he embraces me with a big hug. Then with his strong hands still gripping the sides of my upper arms, he smiles deeply, looking into my eyes with such intensity. Love and compassion shine through. Jack says hello and goodbye the same way.

Jack and I first met nearly 4 years ago. My end of life client and friend Muriel was wanting to explore other options related to a longstanding illness. She sent me to find out about “the helium”-from her acquaintance- Jack.

Jack, as it turns out, use to go to the Hemlock Society meetings and was aware of the helium method for ‘self-deliverance’ -sometimes erroneously called ‘assisted suicide’.

“It is so effortless and easy. There is no reason for anyone to suffer on for months and years once their quality of life has gone.” Jack informed me that first day we met. He went on to explain the science behind the method, the ease of application and the peace surrounding those using helium to quietly and painlessly leave the earthly sojourn. Jack described one woman’s effortless passage:

“She was sitting in her chair, put her hood on and then turned on the gas valve. Suddenly she exclaimed with much enthusiasm: ‘Oh look, the bird has returned to its nest!’ and then she passed out, dying minutes later with a contented smile etched across her face.”

Jack and I share a beautiful soul connection and spiritual recognition that defies any category.

A bazooka man in world war 2, Jack, after a particular battle, was awarded the Navy Cross. Originally put in for a Silver Star, his medal was upgraded.

Two men normally ‘man’ a bazooka. Jack’s partner, the ammo loader, ran off when incoming tanks were spotted coming right for his division. Jack was forced to handle the loading himself. He took down two of the three tanks and saved his comrads. Over the last three plus years, I have literally had to drag aspects of this story from Jack.

Jack has shared much with me in the area of Science, Religion, near death experience and Non Dual spirituality.

Thanks Jack for being such a bright light and friend on this brief earthly dance.

The Planetary Poisoning…

While undergoing a chronic illness, I often spent long hours in meditative inquiry, pointed towards the deepest spiritual truth:

What we really are is Eternal Spirit.

I also remained in the sedentary position in front of the computer researching the truth about planetary toxicity especially as it relates to human health. Most people in the United States have no idea what is taking place. Americans are in the dark because they are so busy in their day to day lives.

In our world today human beings and all earth’s inhabitants are being forced to cope with and adapt to more and more deadly poisons. Never before has the earth been bombarded with a systematic and unrelenting barrage of toxicity. There is the ever increasing exposure to nuclear facility fallout from Fukushima, Chernobyl and elsewhere, in the form of: plutonium, cesium, radioactive iodine and all the others atomic agents- as well as a large influx of electromagnetic disturbance from endless tech gadgets and the old mind-control staple—the television.

Add to this mix, chemical pollutants and toxins, some purposefully put inside the body for centuries and referred to as ‘inert’ and safe restorative agents’—like amalgam fillings full of mercury and other body-toxic metals & so called food additives—poisonous, cheap ‘flavor-enhancers and preservatives’ recklessly approved as ‘fit for human consumption’.

And of course there are the genetically modified organisms which are slowly taking over the food supply. Our water is growing polluted with industrial runoff and indiscriminent dumping of garbage, while we continue to be exposed to sterilization with neurotoxic elements like: fluoride & chlorine.   Toxic substances are injected into our blood streams ‘in order to keep us from getting sick’-we are told. They are laced with mercury and poisonous substances in ‘free’ flu shots, put in the ‘childhood vaccines’-. Which are now beginning to be forced on the populace after SB 277 passed (the mandatory vaccine bill). These nearly untraceable ‘patented’ disease causing agents are required and advertised as essential health care aids.

Aerial spraying (Chemtrails loaded with toxic contaminants which include barium and aluminum) are being unleashed, both in the stratosphere and over our food crops and places of dwelling, containing not only some of the most toxic chemicals and metals on earth but disease vectors, mutated ticks carrying genetically modified forms of pleomorphic organisms. Our primary staple food, wheat. is chemically engineered with sodium azide and now grows as a dwarf sub-species that does not even remotely resemble the traditional grain (not to mention the fact that glyphosate, used readily in the Monsanto poison ‘Roundup” is the primary drying agent after the wheat has been harvested). There is no other purpose to these practices but to sicken the human race.

Part of this global geoengineering project (weather manipulation) include instruments like HAARP put in place to control the entire planet via shortages of food and water. All of this is no longer debatable- it is fact.

It is the great Eugenics experiment. A small group who possess vast monetary fortunes are no longer playing ‘kick the can’ just for fun, instead it is ‘kill the man’ –with a plan to drop the population from 7 billion to 500 million—while slowly (via chronic illness) and quickly via weather manipulation (causing earthquakes, etc) shortening the lives of most of us but not before extracting the ill person’s remaining financial resources. This money is funneled into the coffers of a small group of Global Elitists.

We still have whole foods, organic foods and high grade supplements that can help us restore our health even though many of the authentic supplement companies are being harassed and threatened by the large corporate run, chemical companies who are monopolizing the health supplement industry by adding synthetic (chemical) additives to these products. More and more of the legitimate companies are being bought by chemical conglomerates, raided by the FDA under false pretense ‘protecting the public from so called health fraud’ or if that fails, those revolutionary MD’s, Naturopaths and alternative health practitioners who discover natural and innovative ways to combat diseases like cancer are being covertly killed.

Now the authentic supplement companies are being forced to put their supplies through more and more testing with the idea to drive the prices to high that the average American will not be able to afford them. Fortunately there are still physicians and whole food supplement companies that are working for the benefit of all mankind.

This is good to know, so we can make the most sane choices available while understanding that we are the witness to all of this. At the deepest level it does not touch what we really are.

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