Welcome to the Space that always is…

Years ago, as a devoted seeker, I would go to regular Truth gatherings. These meetings were set up as ‘suggested donation’.  One day, a member of the the volunteer staff, who knew just about everyone who came, watched people as they entered and passed by the donation station at the entrance. He found that in a high percentage of cases,  those that had very little monetary wealth, the individuals living on the fringe and barely getting by, paid the full donation suggested or even more.  Those persons that owned their own homes, worked at high paying corporate jobs, or who had inherited a lot of money often passed the donation table and gave less than suggested or left no money at all!

This revealing observation mirrors the story of Jesus and the rich man who was told by Christ to ‘give up everything and follow me’–and the rich man, in shock, responded:

“Give up all I have earned and all my father has earned!” His monetary wealth was valued more highly than the deepest spiritual truth. He was looking for a new possession. The rich man turned and walked away with his caravan of slaves and concubines. Christ then looked at this devotees and said:

“It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

In one moment all your monetary wealth can be wiped out and in the next your health taken from you no matter how many financial resources you own. Deep down no one can deny this truth.

We live in a culture that values technology, possessions, and things- much more than intimate connection with our fellow humans. Technology for all its practical benefits of quicker access and ease of movement place to place, has usurped our connection to the natural world, our emotions, and our deepest Self, God, Supreme Being or Pure Consciousness.

And like money, body dis-ease is another area where powerful attachment dwells and authentic intimacy easily replaced. Serious Illness propels one into the greatest fear: Death and Dying

As the spiritual teacher Robert Adams once said:

“Most of us perhaps are able to overcome certain fears but when it comes to leaving your body nearly everyone, no matter how enlightened you think you are, starts to worry about this. When you’re able to run around the world and do what you want you never think of death. You never think of dying. You don’t want to talk about these things. You say, “When I get older I’ll be ready to discuss it.” Yet if you don’t work it out now when you’re ready to go you will have total fear in every iota of your being.”

During the last 5 months I have been undergoing what I refer (in lieu of ‘dis-ease’ or ‘chronic illness’) as a ‘health regulation process’ or sometimes, playfully:  ‘perpetual renewal adventure’.  A deep vulnerability and humility pushed through as the primal existential fear of death continued to unwind within.

I wrote an email to about 25 friends and family members asking for HELP–in whatever way they could. The cascade of energies, mostly beneficial, compassionate and kind are still reverberating.

A few friends instantly sent money. One sent out a long email to the group, including equal parts, deep embodied spirituality while educating people about my condition. Others, right away, sent emails expressing kindness and compassion. A few more of friends sent out interesting ideas for fundraising, recommended health practitioners, suggested healing devices, one family member sent a two page email showing me how to get state disability and food stamps, another urged me to ‘find a low cost doctor to review my blood work’.  Only two people called. The rest of the correspondence stayed on the email screen.

Back and forth we danced emails with each other. I suppose if I still had a cell phone, I would have gotten a bunch of text messages. The landline phone, which has replaced my cell phone (for health reasons) is mostly an obsolete tool rarely used at all anymore.  Skype, a step towards more intimacy, is used even less. To meet face to face is an awkward adventure akin to a first date for many in today’s world. The young people in our modern age grew up with a tech toy replacing their first pacifier. The older group has now been relentlessly indoctrinated with the latest technological advances. Applications now express kindness and compassion for us. They are intermediaries, buffering agents, registering our anger, shock, horror and essentially performing as surrogate parents, friends and teachers. Robotic gadgets and computers have taken charge of every aspect of our lives.

I admit to using the tech tools too; I am using them now–my laptop computer! The truth is, I much prefer human touch and am nurtured by direct, face-to-face human contact. I truly enjoy having real connection with people, especially individuals interested in living more consciously, those who are earnestly attuned to the indwelling spirit and less interested appearances and things.

Sadly, tech devices, even when not in use, are standby agents, offering us a readily available escape from uncomfortable feeling states. These devices impede real human connection in the guise of practical necessity.

I do not miss my cell phone one iota. Sure there may be a day, with dwindling phone booths around, when my car breaks down and I long for a cell phone but I will savor that as an opportunity to connect face to face with someone.

I love living in the country, where the trees are still one moment and the next- bursting with life as a strong breeze bends their branches to near horizontal while the sound of rain pelts against the roof. The animals frolic and fly in and out of the meadow. I spend as much time as possible in nature, both inner and outer, contemplating reality and observing the natural way. This simplistic way of living can make me appear boring and lazy or blissful and at ease depending on the viewpoint.

We are living in a fragile time; massive transformation is at hand.  A new paradigm of living is upon us. We are being forced to help one another or become even more fiercely egocentric in our ways.


What kind of world do you want to live in?

a) One where we begin to turn to each other as our Self and help one another as brothers and sisters, sharing our gifts freely and getting what we need, while giving what we can.


b) Become even more fiercely egocentric, narrowing our definition of family down to a small biologically-centered group of 3-5 people and turning to robotic devices in place of heart to heart sharing.


Whether one is experiencing the greatest joy or most painful circumstance, it is all grace.

To realize the grace underlying Reality, we must understand that the Universe is our own reflection. The Universe and all its contents are contained within Consciousness. As we slip out of the conditioned role of playing a person and fall back into our True Identity, life simply unfolds Itself.

From the Absolute vantage point, there is no drama, story, chaos or confusion. It is so simple to see things as they really are. The mind cannot grasp it, so one begins to witness the appearance and disappearance of mind. Soon we stop paying attention to: concepts, ideas, thoughts, beliefs and stories. We must do this over and over again until we are convinced, with Absolute Certainty, about what we really are.

Until that moment of utter conviction, we appear to have gains and losses, troubles and ecstasies. We must persevere and endure these periods, where it feels as if we are lost in the dream world of mind’s creation. Any moment we can see the truth and disassociate from the thinking process.

Eventually we come to full conviction and are imprisoned in Reality. Everything we see is part of that all-pervading Self. It does not matter what name we give to that Ultimate Reality. Trust in That!


Staying in the Light…

Of course, ‘staying in the light’ is a cliche but also a spiritual pointer. How could we really be out of the light? The darkness is only masquerading as light; it shows up when we give credence to appearances.

During this time of great destruction and dissolution, it is increasingly important to focus on love, compassion, light and inner joy.  Our earnestness to see the truth is a buffering agent for the incoming societal collapse and subsequent realignment.  Previous structures of ego-based society are giving way to a new consciousness. The appearance of chaos plays out on the movie screen of life on a daily basis. Pay no attention to these distractions. Simply witness them from inner peace.

Make sure to spend many hours each day, much of your spare time, on activities of inner contemplation, beauty, truth and love. Meditative, prayerful, silent respites will restore equilibrium to your humanness and bring you back to yourself, that calm beingness or presence. Nothing can disturb that. It is like standing in the eye of a tornado, everything is whirling around you, yet knowing that all is well.


The Unknown Moment…

Most of this life, I lived in the mind, masquerading about in the land of ‘I know.’ It was a ghoulish place disguised as a King’s castle. Lost in the conceptual world of ideas, beliefs and approximations, I spent most of my time strategizing and very little time truly living. For how could I really live, with my identify wrapped up so tightly into a body form?! From that perspective, it was not possible to see that what ‘I am’ is actually consciousness–and even beyond consciousness. The entire world is inside of this ‘I-am-ness’ –as an aware formless presence.

I had to step out of the ‘I, me and mine’ façade and begin to live in the moment. It is such a cliché’- “living in the moment” and yet even those not interested in consciousness or spirituality have a certain fascination with what that term is actually pointing to. What the moment is, one cannot say. It is unknown. All is unknown because each instant is a never-to-be-repeated flash. Like a chalkboard wiped clean after the end of a class. The board is ready for a new impression. And as we continue to step back into the witnessing, to be as awareness itself, we find that the chalkboard of life is always clean, fresh and brand new. There really is no one to assert or be inserted. Life is living itself and is inseparable, a divine matrix with no beginning or end.

The life force breathes all the bodies and beings into form. They appear and disappear each instant in the unknown moment. This moment, this precious present moment, is as one sage said: “the Home of the Real.” The unknown moment is utterly empty and completely full. There is no one in it and yet the unknown contains everything.

Once you begin to live in the unknown, appearances and the fear that attaches itself to them fall away. For your idea of ‘you’ is not there. You are no longer a man or a woman but the timeless, spaceless presence.

New information has come out about the death of Robin Williams. The recent article from a CNN reporter was attempting to clarify what happened to Robin. The original media response portrayed him as a ‘depressive’ and ‘former drug addict and alcoholic’ and suicide was the natural conclusion.

Instead it was found, via autopsy, that Robin had a brain disorder which of course was caused by toxic agents but the Western Medical Establishment has labeled it a ‘rare’ disease called: Lewy Body Dementia. Which is, as they said:

“not nearly as well known (or talked about) as Alzheimer’s disease, which accounts for more than half of dementia diagnoses in the United States, Lewy body dementia, or LBD, is the second most common type of progressive dementia.”

“Nearly 1.4 million Americans are known to have the disease, but because it’s a relatively young disorder,” Angela Taylor, director of programming for the Lewy Body Dementia Association said, that number is likely much higher.”

The standard party line: induce fear with a dreaded label with no cure in sight.

Robin’s wife said:

“It was the chemical warfare that no one knew about.” This is an amazing, ironic statement.

I cringed, another label, a so-called ‘rare’ disease and the culprit in plain sight: Chemical Warfare.

What they did not discuss, nor do any of these articles discuss, are the actual underlying physical toxic agents involved in the condition. This is purposeful, because all of these ‘diseases (and the list is growing daily) are labeled and put into a basket: No known cause, no known cure.

Misdirection takes place, the condition is described with more labels: It is similar to Alzheimers, Parkinson-like, it attacks the body a bit like Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, and on it goes. And then the Establishment describes how this particular disease label messes with the brain, how it works on a molecular level. This does not help isolate the root toxins nor resolve the issue about treatment.

“LBD is caused when normal proteins in the brain begin to aggregate, forming clumps called Lewy bodies that, as they spread, “muck up the ability for the brain to transmit signals,” said Cleveland Clinic neurologist Dr. James Leverenz.

No mention is made of toxins found in Robin’s body because they were only looking for the way, the microscopic deterioration morphology in brain function instead of looking for the primary root toxin(s) that started the process to begin with.

If they would have been looking and actually attempting to find out what caused his brain deterioration, the following toxins and chemicals would most likely have been found:

Barium, strontium, aluminum from chemtrails, mercury, lead and other metals from amalgam fillings in his mouth, Cesium, radioactive iodine and other isotopes from Fukushima and perhaps mycoplasma bacteria, fungal infections, or possibly lyme spirochetes or the insidious effects of gluten (primarily from wheat-our main staple crop-which is laced with sodium azide during wheat seed inception and then dried using glyphosate (yes, the primary ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup). The large list of chemical toxins and pharmaceutical drugs were most likely involved. In fact, it is said that Robin Williams was already on a pharmaceutical drug for Parkinson’s disease, a drug with side effects, including: SUICIDAL TENDENCIES.

Only a small percentage of the population realizes the level of planetary toxicity we are all dealing with. Each person gets a particular disease manifestation (from these primary root toxins) and displays unique signs and symptoms based on their genetic history and lifestyle exposure. And the truth is we all have hundreds of toxins in our systems now from chemtrails spraying, Fukushima radiation and others. I talk about these toxins more in my book,  “From Illness to Stillness” and in another recent blog post.

The other aspect of the article: No treatment is possible. Because, how can you treat something if you do not know the cause? The Western Medical System will still give you experimental regimens of pharmaceutical drugs and exploratory surgical procedures even though they don’t know what is going on.

Treatments are available for the specific toxic elements which are the underlying cause of most of these conditions but these root toxins are never identified as the primary disease-causing element by the Western Medical System.

Last night I was invited to dinner at the finest establishment in the senior housing genre, La Posada. Though there are private, retirement homes, places like Dominican Oaks, Oak Tree Villa or Aegis- which have even more benefits and accoutrements- these other places lack the heart, laid-back feel, and Santa Cruz vibe that permeates La Posada.

In the last decade, I have visited my share of ‘retirement homes’ and many are less splendid. One place had a single hispanic lady left to oversee 20 rooms. Screams could be heard at regular intervals, with sayings like:

“Please help me!” and “Oh God!” A friend I visited at one such place said to me with equal parts humor and horror:

“Tell people about this place.”

My friend Jack recently secured a space at La Posada after an 18 month sojourn on the waiting list. He was ecstatic because cooking and doing dishes at 92 was becoming more and more exhausting. La Posada supplied breakfast and dinner. Jack does not eat lunch.

Besides Jack, at our table was Helen 86 years old who post meal went to set up the penny poker table with great enthusiasm and Charlotte, aged 95—the cutest elderly lady with a wry smile which appeared to be permanently etched on her face. Charlotte kept showing me the picture, a taken few days previous at Halloween, of her dressed as Darth Vader. The rapport between the diners was tickled with playful teasing.

The biggest challenge at our table related to hearing. Both Jack and I wear hearing aids and Helen spoke very quietly, which, along with the background voices and noises, well, dinner was mostly in silence. Through simple gestures and short conversations, we said what was needed. We became acquainted through presence.

After the meal was over, Helen dashed off, okay she ambled without the use of walker or cane, taking her neopolitan ice cream sandwich dessert with her. I watched as Charlotte and Jack devoured their treat like school children, messy fingers and all.

Contemplation of Death…

As an end of life caregiver, I have spent time with quite a few people as they near the form transition. An interesting phenomenon has occurred with two clients who were also cherished friends. Threads of body –mind identification internalized the dying process—as if death was happening to me-because it was.

When my friend Noel passed in early 2009, there followed a great collapse. Death came to eliminate many ideas and beliefs related to body-mind identification.

This idea of ‘me as a body’ began to show signs and symptoms of impending form dissolution (death), such as: faltering organ function, disorientation, and confusion. It was as if the stripping away of form identity, taking place with my dying friends, was also happening within myself.

The more I am able to rest as awareness, the witnessing consciousness, (instead of a particular body form), the more effortlessly life unfolds and flows.- no matter the manifestation dynamics, be they: sickness, death, pain, suffering, natural disasters and so on.

These next few months seem to point towards the transition of my friend, Jack. It is always such a blessing to be with someone who has put so much energy into deep spirituality as they prepare for the great unknown we call death. Jack’s preparation entails living more and more in and as the unknown, reading near death experience accounts by the thousands while contemplating and meditating upon primordial words of Self-realized sages.

So in essence, the so-called death has already happened. Jack sees that nothing can touch him, touch what he really is. Through Jack’s direct insight and knowledge lives a great trust and faith in the Eternal Absolute. It is awe-inspiring to witness a growing fearlessness pervade his being. Instead of the fear and associated discontent, that many go through as the body manifestation nears transition, Jack is at peace and quite ready to meet his Maker.

When Jack sets his eyes upon me, a potent presence encompasses my entire being. Mind is unable to spring into fantasy or distraction. Jack constantly reminds me to go deeper and have more conviction in what I really am.

So today, I go to spend a few hours, in the guise of work, sitting in the penetrating peacefulness of a contended heart.

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