Welcome to the Space that always is…


Chetana is a Sanskrit word-often translated as ‘inner awakened consciousness’. In 2003 I met Chetana, the form and formless versions-really they are the same. And fortunately they are inside us, waiting to be discovered.

At the time, I was hanging around the Adyashanti Satsangs that were taking place every week in Santa Cruz. I had no idea why I was hanging out with Adyashanti (though his name does mean: primordial peace). All I knew was that a point had been reached where I wanted ‘Truth more than anything else’.

Most of the group hanging around Adya (as many called him) in those days were ‘seekers’ (seeking in this sense, an egoic movement, now had apparently ‘traded up’ into the mighty spiritual realm of great value–but it was still seeking–not unlike any other form of seeking). Adya revealed this egoic movement pattern of the so-called seeker—but most were looking for a better more, always more, well-adjusted persona. Though I was certainly a seeker then, I was not interested in a better persona. Intuitively I could feel there were ‘finders’ in the midst–those true devotees who had stopped seeking because an awakening to truth had come and showed that ‘they are what they sought’ and only the seeking had prevented them from discovering their inherent nature. These finders were there to celebrate, share the wealth, the simple beingness. They danced among the group of seekers, celebrating joyfully at the end of each satsang. An aliveness so profound, that I would stand in the circle of 50 or 60 people as they shared from a deep place of peace. I would just watch in awe. Even though these finders were spiritually awake, most and probably all of them, were still navigating the ground of partial abidance (not full abiding wakefulness –often called Liberation or Self-Realization). These finders were still letting go of aspects of doubt and fear that would bubble up to the surface, releasing all concepts and beliefs. This release allowed and nurtured a self-perpetuating depth and ever increasing sense of freedom.

It was among this crowd I found myself in the spring of 2003, having recently ended an 8-year relationship. The spiritual path I had been on was about to implode as I was grabbed by the boo-boo, so to speak.

Chetana, arrived later that Fall, the human form and the inner awakening. I was not seeking for the awakening, only for Truth and yet it came. Awakening came pouring through, not all at once but in growing waves, like a rising tide. It came gradual but also suddenly. And in my direct experience awakening to inherent oneness keeps deepening, not for you, that ‘you’ just becomes more and more distant and obsolete.

I met Chetana, the woman, at the acupuncture clinic I was working and her Rumi-esque laughter was of a quality I had never experienced. It blew the cover off of the serious guy; though a closet comedian, I had never experienced this type of laughter-real laughter. The usual form we call laughter relates to making fun of someone or something and causes a sudden shift from overwhelmed mind consumption to forgetting one’s self. Certainly this kind of laughter is a blessing and quite nice to experience. Yet, this mystical variety, what I refer to as real laughter comes from beyond the stars and under the earth and from a place so free that it captivated my entire being. I couldn’t laugh with her that afternoon and there was ample opportunity to do so –as her ecstatic parade of sound continued on for half an hour or more. All I could do then was smile in amusement. Later that night, like a time lapse movie replay, I began to feel into the place whence that laughter had come and suddenly it happened: uncontrollable laughter that lasted for 45 minutes interspersed with short silent interludes, before more laughter unleashed—over and over it went. The joy of Life was pouring out of me. Life wasn’t serious after all!

Ever since that day with Chetana, we’ve been inseparable, falling deeper and deeper into the Truth of being, And as for the human Chetana, we are no longer a ‘couple’ in the traditional sense, yet we are and always will be married in Spirit, in Truth. We never had the traditional vows: “Until death do us part.” Because there is no death; Spirit never dies. So we live that celebration each day.

The great thing is: we all have Chetana inside us and she is calling us home with a still voice that is actually quite loud if you pay attention. I invite you to meet your Self, this Chetana. And please laugh your ass off; you might actually enjoy it.

The Invisible *Asterisk

I love it when people speak the truth. Recently I received a response referencing my last blog entry, entitled: Prompted.

The woman who wrote to me, a writing friend, thought I was either speaking ‘tongue and cheek’, was ‘delusional’, or was ‘idealizing women’. She went on to say that I needed to have ‘eyes wide open’ and finished by saying that she felt men were more compassionate. She was principally referring to this section of that blog entry:

“… There is no posturing, teasing, passive-aggression, sarcasm and certainly no jockeying for ‘top dog’ -as is common in many male-dominated groups…”

I told her she may be right about my ‘delusional-idealization of women’ status and in all fairness to men, I have not been to a conscious men’s only group in many years, so I am speaking more from distant past experience—which is certainly delusional. 

So, men, I invite you to prove me wrong. I love being wrong. I have no need to be right.

From now on, please realize the following disclaimer is attached to all blog entries. It is being adhered with an invisible*asterisk. (I do not claim to have all the answers, to be liberated, realized or any such things. We all live in our own worlds).


Last night I went to a writer’s gathering at this cool tea shop called “The Abbey’-thusly named by its affiliated, neighboring, and some might say: ‘hip church’. The facilitator of the group, Lisa, started a MeetUP entitled: ‘Radical Wellness’ and she incorporates many elements under the heading from meditation hikes, making art, running, bike riding, eating wholesome food, being in the redwoods, writing into her community building ‘radical wellness’.

We settled in and once again I found myself the only guy in group of women. How cool is that?! Way cool. Women share their heart so easily. They live from it, are in tune with it and reflect those qualities outward for all to share. I felt so comfortable right away. There is no posturing, teasing, passive-aggression, sarcasm and certainly no jockeying for ‘top dog’ -as is common in many male-dominated groups. So I played the lucky guy with nothing to do, just to be in the presence, the heart fullness.

Soon we were free-writing to prompts–given 8 minutes to let the pen romp. The prompt came: ‘I Come From…‘—and the following writing came:

     “I come from a place mysterious- the deep, watery depths. It is so alive and still, flowing. Certainly not stagnant and dead. And as I emerge into ‘this world’, it is so loud that at times I feel overwhelmed with the jumble of noises and yet unlike other times when I have surfaced into this world, only to immediately re-submerge, this time I’m staying no matter how uncomfortable I feel or how vulnerable or unnerving the circumstances. This time I’m here to stay and share that deep light from the water depths of darkness. Some may not be ready for this new light, others may fight it, maybe a few will embrace it and see that the light I carry is nothing to be afraid of. This light is totally harmless, it is for all, a beneficial beam that I will not turn off, cannot turn off, will not turn way from–come what may.

So I enter completely unknown territory. What’s new in that? Isn’t life always unknown and is it not all inside me, all of it?! Simultaneously life touches me at the core and flows by like a breeze.

So I am here to stay. I come from a place that never changes, always shines, only the passing show dances by. Let it keep coming. Nothing need be changed, nothing rejected or run from. Freedom is in these waters and it must be shared.

Walking on Water…


 Today while walking in the glorious 70 degree temps after a powerful Skype call with my beautiful, French Canadian girlfriend, I found myself experiencing directly what I can only call:  ‘walking on water’. It was like suddenly there was this felt sense of what that really was. The famous metaphor came into memory and chills arrived with such force. I was feeling, truly what the followers of Jesus must have been pointing to when they used that phrase, and glimpsed the “Space” from which Jesus must have felt, knew, experienced, and realized.

The quote, often attributed to the followers of Jesus, was now alive in me. The insight came through unasked, that Jesus was not strictly, literally speaking, performing a miraculous walking on water, defying gravity and all of that. The miraculous ‘walking on water’ was simply a metaphor used by those who witnessed Jesus walking in such a powerful state of Awakeness– so deep and abiding– that it was as if ‘he’ was walking on water. The word ‘walking’ used to signifying a movement in higher consciousness, a deeper state of spiritual realization; that in fact ‘he, Jesus’ was watching the body walk and that witnessing consciousness was an elevated awareness which put him above the material realm, where miracles happen but are not really miracles. As seen from that elevated ‘place’ they are normal, every day, every minute, every second happenings and unfoldings–because all is so alive in that ‘place’.

 Then it came in that even the famous ‘Lazarus come forth’ statement attributed directly to Jesus, the so called miracle of bringing the dead Lazarus back, even that was really (not literally bringing Lazarus back–the dead physical body) but actually Jesus was summoning forth and recognizing the deathless reality which animates all bodies and the body form of Lazarus (you could say holy spirit or that which never dies). Lazarus may well have been ‘metaphorically dead’ because he was absorbed in the mind (in unreality) and now he has come back, stepped back into the Reality which Jesus was mirroring and exhorting from.

Lazarus’s association with Christ Consciousness, in which Jesus was fully immersed, showed him (Lazarus) his own inherent divinity. When Jesus said “Lazarus come forth” and Lazarus rose to his feet. He was no longer Lazarus (identified with the body form) -it was Lazarus now merged and realized as the True Self.


Message to the Seeker…

Stop. You don’t exist. Turn around and see your true Self. Surrender to “I don’t know”. This leaves you with nothing left to seek–no more challenges, issues, or problems. And most importantly, it relieves you of you–which was the only problem, except it wasn’t a problem really.

Do you follow so far? Great, than it is over. Done Deal. Super great job.  Now it doesn’t matter what happens.

Life is Precious…

Life is so precious. And if you stop for even an instant- it must be a full stop-a complete moment with no accoutrements, attachments, residual thought streams –everything vaporizes. What you will find is a luscious garden of endless space: pure emptiness and see yourself looking out from behind the eyes of the body-form you once called ‘me’. That body form will be included in awareness but your idea about the body-form and everything else  will fall away.

What you really are has always been the space and includes the space. How can you find a self when there is nothing to compare yourself with? Then all questions, all mind made movements recede, keep receding and receding until the day comes when the concept we call ‘mind’ is lost irretrievably. You don’t need it. Memories, we cling to them with such fervor but when you live in the timeless now trying to hold on to flickering thoughts forms called memories or to retrieve them from the brain data base becomes a ludicrous proposition. It is an exercise in the obsolete.

If something needs to be remembered it will be. It will come into the now, into the moment unasked just like everything else. To taste a freedom this deep is great good fortune and if you add the secret element of earnestness for freedom, surrender to truth and the One–a facilitation towards freedom will take place. 

The great paradox is: nobody can do this yet you must try. 

‘Sometimes’- the mind howls- ‘I get tired of reading spiritual pointers’. You see, they take out all the steam of the mind. If you are absorbed in thought streams of any kind, spiritual pointers have the potency to evaporate that pseudo-identity. And quick. If you are wandering about full of anger, grief or sorrow because of some body related malady, or the stock market has crashed and you are now broke, or perhaps found out that grandma has pushed forth her last breath, well than read this:
“Whatever happens, happens to that psychosomatic bundle (the body-mind) and I am not concerned with it.” What did he just say? He is not concerned with it? It’s true, he’s not. He knows that he is the absolute consciousness, which is not identified with a particular body. He claims no ownership of thought streams, to the point that thought streams are not even part of awareness for Him. He is the Absolute only appearing to play through form. This is also true for you. Well now, that is a refreshing breeze!

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